If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
