she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
