Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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