fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
