we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
