That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
