Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
