He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
