I hate your face
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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