there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
