I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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