So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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