i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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