Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
