Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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