just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
