u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
