If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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