glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
