i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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