she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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