Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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