Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
