did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
