My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Small penises have feelings too.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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