I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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