: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
