is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to calm my uterus...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
