She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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