So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
