and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
