I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
