by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
