You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
