I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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