there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
