My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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