Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
