Its about making memories worth repressing
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
