You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
