They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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