I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
