the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
