you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize