so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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