sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
