i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
