Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
