I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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