I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
