PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
