i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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