Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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