Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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