then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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