Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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