College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she looked like the before picture.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
