I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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