I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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