My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
