It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
