These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
