I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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