In the future we'll all be gay
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How's work?
Spinning.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
