Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
