I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize