just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Having a random hookup so left but love u
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
