For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
