So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
