no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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